Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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