That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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