im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
