phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
