She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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