I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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