she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
