you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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