dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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