pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
