my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
