i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
