remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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