Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
