Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my shit smells like andre
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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