is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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