I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
