Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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