dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
