So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
