He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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