Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
