i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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