The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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