he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
