Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
