There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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