i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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