If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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