I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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