you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
