But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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