all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
