Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
