Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
