I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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