I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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