i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The adults are the big ones right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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