I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
