oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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