I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
