I'm lost and stupid without you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
