So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
