Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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