at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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