Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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