i permit you to call me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
