wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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