so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh god it's open bar.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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