i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
