Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
