I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
