Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How's work?
Spinning.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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