there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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