I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
