This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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