I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
