Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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