God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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