We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
