he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
