ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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