omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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