ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
