I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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