Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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