this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
