How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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