Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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