Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
