Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
