you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
