He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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