we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
