Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
