i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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