so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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