Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
