I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
