Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
