If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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