dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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